Hostess: A Eulogy

I am a snack junkie. I’m addicted to snack foods of all kind–like it’s a problem. If I could live off of snack foods I would, but unfortunately I’m in shitty enough shape as it is. When Hostess announced last month that they were going out of business, it probably should’ve been considered a day of mourning among snack junkies (maybe it was, who knows), but as far as me and my fellow snack snobs are concerned: good riddance.

Despite the fact that most hostess products are like really really bad for you, the real reason to hate them stems from the fact that they’re just really shitty product. Twinkies were nothing but glamorized, technically edible sponges and as far as their other “treats”, just about every other brand made a better version of it. So other than the fact that a bunch of people lost their jobs (which sucks), I can’t say I’ll miss that sponge-making bastion from hell, Hostess. Yet you are still are fundamental part of history and pop culture, so for you I’ll pour some of this spiced brew down to the ground.

“It’s so haaaaarrrrd to say goodbyyyyeeeee, to yesterdaaaaayyyyyyyy.”

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