Top Moments Of Last Night’s Grammy Awards (That Didn’t Actually Happen)

I sat through enough of the Grammy’s last night to know it was just as ho-hum as it is every year. So rather than actually talking about what happened, indulge me while I say things that should’ve happened (or porribly might have happened, while I changed over to The Walking Dead).

10. LL Cool J performs “Head Sprung” with the help of fun., Rihanna and Taylor Swift.

I especially enjoyed watching Johnny Depp rap along in the audience, as that is known to be a favorite in his workout playlist.

9. Wiz Khalifa delivers his wife’s child live during his performance with Miguel

It really added a nice spin to “Adorn”, although when the baby started flying in the air you could totally see the wires.

8. Mumford and Sons and the Lumineers share the stage to have a whose more blander contest

Both these guys were truly made to make music that pimps products from Urban Outfitters.

7. Adele somehow wins all of the awards despite not being nominated

To be fair, 21 still is the best rap record out.

6. A dedication to Taylor Swift by Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriends

I mean it was cool. Taylor was kinda over it by the time it ended.

5. Rick Ross’s car was shot at, leading to Ross crashing his vehicle into the Grammy stage.

To be fair, this really did spice up fun.’s performance a lot.

4. After a win for “No Church In The Wild”, the awards sound committee tried to play off The-Dream and Frank Ocean, before cutting off the “wrap it up” music so Jay-Z could talk.

By the soundstage, the guys working the buttons were seen talking amongst themselves:

Sound Guy #1: Alright, we gotta keep the show moving.

Sound Guy #2: Dude that’s Jay-Z, you can’t play him off.

Sound Guy #1: I don’t care, we gotta keep moving.

Just then in walks a shadowy, ghost-like demon. He places his hand on the should of the first sound guy, the icy venom of death takes hold of his entire body before he falls to the ground in painful, agonizing death. The demon then looks over at the second sound guy; paralyzed with fear, the second sound guy hurriedly tries to stop the music in hopes that the demon will spare him.

He does. He does.

3. After Frank Ocean wins his first Grammy, Chris Brown storms the stage to punch him in the face and let everyone know that the Grammy stage is HIS parking spot.

This is then followed by the support of team Breezy on Twitter, stating that it totally is his spot and it’s the media that makes being an asshole such a bad thing. In fact, why focus on how he’s an irredeemable asshole all the time anyways? Why not focus on the times when he isn’t one, like right when he wakes up and just before he falls asleep.

2. During the Bob Marley tribute, a holographic image of Bob Marley shows up to perform for the audience.

Even he can’t figure out why Bruno Mars is there and why he gets to do his own song.

1. Prince shows up

This actually did happen, and yes, it was the best moment last night. Also he told Gotye he liked his song, there’s literally nothing you can tell that guy ever.


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