1. LeBron
  2. ignoring the fact that LeBron is on the Lakers
  3. Jimmy Butler torpedoing the Timberwolves
  4. T A K E S
  5. Boston potentially combusting due to chemistry issues
  6. Carmelo Anthony being washed
  7. Tom Thibedeau running players into the ground before ultimately getting fired
  8. Bad Skip Bayless Tweets
  9. Whatever J.R. Smith does this time
  10. someone’s gonna do something stupid on social media
  11. Russell Westbrook fashion statements
  12. people pretending to hate triple doubles when Russ does it
  13. Kevin Durant reacting to criticism
  14. ignoring Warriors games
  15. using the Warriors as an allegory for American excess and post-Trump cynicism due to the megalomania of our technocratic silicon valley industry and the elite aristocratic upper class societies that have profited off the backs of the poor for far too long and have laid the foundation for the eventual destruction of the country as a result.
  16. Talking yourself into Steph Curry being good again
  17. Kardashian-Jenner NBA dating watch
  18. Now that Harden got his MVP we can all go back to ignoring the Rockets and their unwatchable perfect basketball until he inevitably chokes in the playoffs again.
  19. Joel Embiid shit talk
  20. Being annoyed by Drake
  21. Dwyane Wade washed fest/retirement tour
  22. thicc boi Luka Doncic
  23. Liking the Knicks ironically
  24. Supporting the Bulls begrudgingly
  25. Respecting the Celtics unfortunately
  26. Markelle Fultz wellness watch
  27. Personal Trainer snapchat
  28. Acknowledging how terrible #NBATwitter is (the worst of the sport Twitters)
  29. ignoring/blocking #NBATwitter
  30. Reading too much into players being noncommittal to their teams ahead of free agency
  31. Space Jam 2: More Jam
  32. Taylor Rooks
  33. memes
  34. not watching enough games but quoting Basketball index like an expert anyways
  35. Getting in on “Bucks to the finals” early
  36. Giannis MVP
  37. Anthony Davis MVP
  38. laughing at All Star Weekend being in Charlotte
  39. using analytics as a cover for your very obvious racialized beliefs
  40. Aaron Gordon dunks
  41. Victor Oladipo R&B
  42. The rising potential of another brawl in the stands because NBA fans are assholes begging to get hit.
  43. Russell Westbrook subtweets
  44. I don’t know if you heard but Brad Stevens is pretty good at coaching
  45. NBA Coach Zaddies (Ranked)
    1. Quinn Snyder
    2. unshaven Brett Brown
    3. Greg Popovich
    4. Lloyd Pierce
    5. Dave Joerger
    6. LeBron James
    7. David Fizdale
  46. Fat John Wall being a locker room cancer and showing up drunk to games after a night of partying
  47. Donovan Mitchell backlash
  48. Not pretending the NBA is woke
  49. hating people who use the NBA’s fake wokeness to virtue signal
  50. Damien Lillard begging his way back into the All-Star Game and then inevitably blowing it in the playoffs and making another trash mixtape.



From about the fourth grade to my last year in college, I would always begin the school year by declaring to myself: “this year will be different!”. On that first day of school, I would walk in to class with my head held high because I knew that this year would be the year that everything would fall into place; that a cruel world would show me its kind side and I would walk away victorious. I imagine this is what it must be like playing for the Georgetown basketball team for the past few years. Every one of these past couple or so years was supposed to be the one; Georgetown would be the dark horse team that finds itself, somehow inexplicably, on the cusp of glory. And on each of these years, they always come up short. I think the one thing that truly makes college basketball great is the fact that there is no real logic to it; there’s no formula that guarantees success or domination, hell even teams like Duke or Indiana or Kentucky have off years or years where they come up short more often than not. The rigorousness of a one-and-done tournament, much like life itself, teaches these kids the valuable lesson that life can be unfair to you no matter how much you think you deserve to win. And yet, on the flipside, this tournament teaches us that no matter ho small you are or how many write you off, you can rise to new heights an shake up the world. Tragedy and beauty, yin-yanging it in harmony. 

My bracket is meaningless now (it happens), and that’s ok. Now, I can fully pay my attention to these schools and stop pretending I care about programs like Indiana or Ohio State and enjoy watching LaSalle or Florida Gulf Coast act like kids in some kind if a store after pulling off big wins. And while yes to some extent it is kind of a bummer to watch teams like Gonzaga or Georgetown, whom I think are perfectly fine teams, buckle under the weight of their own pressure when it matters most, but that’s what makes any sport worth watching–the unassuredness of it all.

But I mean what do I really know, I’m just some guy who likes yelling at people to get a ball in a basket.

If your bracket is still in perfect condition then, from the bottom of my heart, I say fuck you. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Every year I think, “I’ll make a strong one this year” but it never comes to fruition. Fuck this tournament.

Now that we got that out of the way, man this thing has been fun to watch. Upsets, should’ve-been upsets (seriously Davidson, what the fuck?) and a whole bunch of mostly grown adults getting angry at college kids–isn’t college basketball the best?

Now that I’m officially over the fact that my shitty brackets are done for, let me say that I respect the hell out of Harvard’s basketball team for showing up last night. Someday when they’re all running Fortune 500 companies, I imagine they might take a weekend getaway to Cabo, San Lucas and reminisce about the time they won Harvard’s first NCAA Tournament game. Marquette somehow got to survive last night despite not deserving it; I seriously hope this haunts Davidson forever. Speaking of should’ve-beens, Gonzaga somehow won and proved the naysayers right at the same time. Southern University showed some serious spirit last night; it was an admirable effort and no matter what the score says, the real winners are those Southern University cheerleaders.

Here’s hoping that the rest of this tournament gives me plenty to be as angry/excited about as last night was.

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