The Music Video Sartorialist is a new column in which I will review the fashion of various music videos. First up: the 2000 masterpiece “Country Grammar” by Nelly.

Before we even get into this, let me just say that the music video for “Country Grammar” is pure love. There is not one bad thing I can say about it. It’s a celebration of everyday people and it is joyful, which is way better than being cool or weird for the sake of weird. Also, as a nigga from Tallahassee, FL, it absolutely appeals to my heart to see country and ratchet folks taking part in a celebratory occasion. Nelly put on for his city here and, if you from the country or really the south period, you can’t help but see your own home in this video.

Now on to the fashion:

You’re gonna see Nelly put on a lot for his city through jerseys in the video because throwback jerseys were everything in the 2000s. You got the biggest sizes that were still attuned to your body and you got the matching hat and shoes and you were the dopest nigga at whatever party you went to. One thing about this I don’t want you to lose sight of though is that behind Nelly is a plethora of grade-A, quality birds. I mean the type of birds that are specific to your city and were always dressed in a way that was just trashy enough. It is a true high-wire act pulling off a quality hoefit and these women were scientists. God bless them.

I mean look at em: Charlie’s Hoodrats ready to save the day. The Hoochie Justice League. The woman up front is especially noteworthy because she’s wearing a dinner napkin as a shirt and it is fantastic. The gold is shimmering against her body and she’s got the shades to go with it because she ain’t checking for you, nigga.

Nelly is committed to showing out for every St. Louis sport in this video. Here he has an immaculate St. Louis Blues hockey sweater with the matching hat that has his name on the back which, again, so perfect for that time period. The video girl in this scene keeps it simple with the tank and the bandana round her head like she 2pac. She seems to be waring a collar around her neck. The accessories here are pretty great: Nelly’s wrist is covered in an almost irresponsible amount of diamonds and this woman’s collar gives off a hint of danger to her, like she might be down for some wild shit and you will have no say in the manner. Of course that could just be me revealing more about myself than necessary. And don’t think I don’t notice that this is happening in a rims shop, one of my favorite former set pieces of old music videos.

Everything I could say about these jeans have already been said: https://twitter.com/Sixfever/status/634062109953888256

The fellas to the left are wearing Vashon jerseys, as in Vashon High School in St. Louis, Missouri. That’s some real deal representing. That’s on some 2015 hypebeast kid at a music festival streetwear moves. “Country Grammar” really is ahead of its time.

This guy is just everything. This is who I wanna be: the older dude who brings the grill to the block parties and the HBCU tailgates. He’s dressed like a Que that pledged 20 years ago. He’s got the pink apron, the baggy, military-like coat with the “hata blocka” shades on and, my nigga, look at all that damn hot sauce. Everything is lit.

Speaking of life goals, here are some fatherhood goals. Not only is my mans shining with the Big Daddy Kane jewelry but he got himself a championship belt and a tiny championship belt for his son which is THE GODDAMN CUTEST THING EVER AND I WANT IT. BOTH THE CHILD AND THE CHAMPIONSHIP BELT FOR SAID CHILD. This is incredible parenting; as the bible says, train up a child in the way they should go.

Here is your introduction to Vokal. If you didn’t know, Vokal was started in 97 by Nelly, his cousin Yomi Martin and Nick Loftis. Like any other fashion brand you and your friends start, they used to sell the shirts around town, particularly at concerts for Nelly’s rap group The St. Lunatics. Vokal had success because Nelly had success, which is good for them since the clothes weren’t that good. Nelly, if nothing else, was a visionary about his career and it really shouldn’t be a surprise that he blew up the way he did.

More jerseys! Nelly’s gotta be a real sport’s nerd to rock a jersey of offensive lineman Orlando Pace. That’s some serious football fandom. Also I love that he’s wearing the jersey backwards. Football jerseys will be back in style eventually and when they are, I’ll be rocking all of mine backwards I can promise you that. And don’t think I forgot about you bruh with the Kurt Warner joint and the golden durag flyin’ high in the friendly sky, ready to save the world and get ya waves.

My dog in the back got on picasso on the shirt with the matching durag. Jesus wept.

Boy, that’s a shiny, shimmy ass jean jacket. That shit might blind me more than the jewelry my guy. Does your durag say “SQUAD” because I might forgive the jacket if it does.

Is that Sean John? I bet that’s Sean John. Sean John used to make them hot ass, living carpet plush track suits like they were bout to kill the game. They did kill the game though, from dehydration from wearing those shits for too long.

You can’t tell from this picture but if you watch the video you’ll see that dude is hitting a jig while he cuts hair, which, no. You stand perfectly still while you line my fade up fam. I’m not trying to look fucked up just because your giddy ass wanna “bounce to the beat” in front of cameras. I don’t play that shit. Another red flag, he’s get the Ne-yo fedora on. I don’t trust barbers who’s haircut I can’t see, that feels too much like a setup. Look at lil homie’s face –see the stress in his whole demeanor. He know and I’m so sorry it had to be him.

I want this woman’s shirt on the right. It is dope, It’s colorful but not too gross or busy. So many wigs in the back by the way. I’m pretty certain I can pull off at least 3 of them.

She got the African print turban and this orange scrambled porn pantsuit. She was tumblr before tumblr was around to appreciate her style. Please retroactively give this woman 500 million reblogs.

Oh man here to begin. I’m almost certain homie in the middle got a burner on him. That’s the official jacket of niggas holding a piece. Homie on the left fit so big he can’t even fit his left hand through –nigga looking like hood mega man. And my dog got the fitted cap barely holding onto his bandana-covered head. T.I. stole his whole swag and I’m inconsolable. My brother on the right with the heavy jean jacket reppin one time for FUBU. YOUR RE-RENNAISSANCE WILL SOON RETURN FUBU I PROMISE.

In the black version of “Where’s Waldo”, everybody feels like Waldo can stay wherever the fuck he at :(.

A fanciful scarf and a Jason hockey mask even though he’s not a deranged psychopathic killer (assumedly), this is our one hipster for this music video. Also, I see you in the back with the ultimate urban fashion marker, the negro cartoon shirt.

More urban fashion markers: the combination Jeans and Jean skirts. And they’re even ripped to immaculate perfection. We’re so fucking innovative, I can’t stand it.

I don;t know why I’m so drawn to this woman. Something about her sequin hand towel disguised as a shirt has set off all my internal alarms and I’m turned on by it in a way that makes me ashamed of myself. The hood girl fashions in this video are all wonderful in different ways and I just know I would see this outfit on someone at the local hole in the wall club and I’d probably be drawn to her all night. Something must be matter with me. Something isn’t the matter with this video though. It is perfect and we don’t appreciate it enough.